In the beginning, I assumed that women felt driven to abort because of material needs – housing, medical care, job security, child care, that sort of thing. I was surprised that these were relatively minor factors in the decision-making process. Far more significant were problems with relationships – particularly with the father of the child and with the woman’s parents. I discovered that in almost every case, a woman chooses abortion to accommodate the wishes of others who do not welcome her child.
Frederica Mathewes-Green, Real Choices
This unexpected discovery was made by American feminist Frederica Mathewes-Green when doing research for her book. It is a story with which we are familiar. We are two women, Cathy and May, who many years ago agreed to the abortion of children who were not welcomed by our surroundings (our testimonies appear on the Stories board). If we could go back and be pregnant again, we would do so in an instant and we would give birth to our children. When we “chose” abortion, we simply had no idea what we were choosing; we were given no information and options other than abortion were totally unsupported. We believe that abortion in all too many cases constitutes a profound violation of human rights.
Our agenda is solely to help people who are experiencing the brutal suffering we have known and to warn people of the realities so that they can avoid it if they are in any doubt about what they are doing. We are not affiliated to any pro-life or political group and are not in the pocket of any organisation. Whatever wisdom we have has been forged in the fire of painful experience. One of us is a Buddhist, the other a lapsed Catholic who describes herself as engaged in spiritual questioning, but neither of us opposes abortion on purely religious grounds. We do see it as an ethical question that transcends creed and dogma.
We are different ages, from different backgrounds and with different life experiences. What unites us is our pain and our knowledge that while we both of course bear our own share of responsibility, we did not stand much of a chance to choose what we really wanted amid all the pressure to abort. We are angry that our society pushed abortion on us, angry that those who surrounded us offered no deeper care and concern than the destruction of our babies and the death of our motherhood and our connection to love and life.
The true causes of abortion
Since we now oppose abortion and since we regret it so much, why on earth did we choose it in the first place? The answer is complex and this website is an attempt to explore some of that complexity. Essentially it is connected with the unconscious drive of people who experienced damaging childhoods to re-enact their tragedies. If abortion were not readily available and indeed encouraged as an option, it would not be chosen and the tragedy would be avoided. It is in a sense as simple as that.
The path of hope
Abortion is a difficult and painful subject that neither of us would have chosen to embrace – but not standing up in defence of what we know, in memory of the love we have lost and the needless tragedy of our lives, is to contribute to the silence in which abortion thrives.
We hope to encourage people away from something that can cause intense suffering, damage and regret and towards something life-giving and full of hope and healing: the birth of a child.