Yesterday I listened in on a conversation between two men. One my husband, the other a close friend of his, they talked about the miscarriage of a baby. The baby was the first grandchild and a much longed for child for his only daughter. The baby died in the womb at 22 weeks because of an infection in the sac. The mother and father held their baby, dressed their baby and took several photographs. They planned their baby’s funeral which was attended by all the family. Every one is sad and hopes that when the time is right that the young mother can try again to have a baby.
I hope so too.
I can see so clearly how other woman are not allowed to think it is a baby and how this can cause endless confusing conflicts and a closing off from society and a withdrawal from family gatherings and the supportive network of friends that is vital to move through grief. It is as if we are blaming these women, however these women too need to grieve the loss of their babies. Mourning the death of a baby is arduous work, it is even harder when you have been involved in the decision making process.
When you examine closely the difference between these women, the similarities stand out. They are all grieving mothers, they all fervently wish that their baby could have lived.